Friday, November 30, 2007

Moments that Take Your Breath Away

I don't know if it's the time of year or what but I have been experiencing and remembering many "take your breath away" moments lately.

One of the more difficult parts of being a parent to a child with special needs is learning to deal with the grief.
David will be 13 tomorrow. In 13 years I have come to accept PWS and what it means for him, but there are still times that it hits me out of no where. That feeling of sadness for what never was and never will be.

Tonight I had one of those "take your breath away" moments. It's been a long week. Dave has been working long hours on night shift, and because he is not home at night I am not sleeping well so I am tired. David has been wound up about his Birthday all week.. reminding me 2 million times a day that his birthday is Saturday. Like I could forget. The other thing he has been very excited about all week is that he had his first Middle School Dance tonight. He has had the ticket in his wallet all week and has been so excited.
He was showered, dressed, and had sprayed half a can of Axe on himself by 5:30... (did I mention that the dance didn't start until 7pm?) So we waited until 6:45 to leave the house and I drove him over to the school. On the way we chatted about the dance and he reminded me that he was only supposed to dance with girls.. not boys.
When we got to the school I went in to make sure that whoever was tending the snack table was familiar with David and would make sure he didn't hang out by the snack table all night. I was happy to see 2 familiar faces at the snack table so we chatted for a few minutes and I reluctantly got ready to leave. I said goodbye to David as he headed into the gym and as he walked away with 2 friends he stopped, looked at me over his shoulder and said "you can go mom, I am ok." That is all it took for the tears to well up. I headed to the parking lot so I could be alone in my thoughts. I got into the Suburban, turned the key, and the radio came on. I had the radio on some sappy station that had been playing Christmas Carols earlier in the day. What I heard made chills go up my spine and the tears start to flow.

When David was a newborn he would get very alert if I sang and danced with him. I would slow dance with him on my shoulder and our song was a song by an artist named Joshua Kadison. The song is titled "Beautiful in My Eyes" I used to sing it to David and wonder if he would ever dance with a girl other than me, if anyone other than me would ever think he was beautiful, if anyone other than his family would ever love him. I would slow dance with him, sing and let the tears flow for my beautiful boy.
There coming from the radio was the song "Beautiful in My Eyes" I was frozen, I couldn't move, I felt like the air was being pulled from my lungs, and then the tears rolled down my face. Right there in the school parking lot I realized that David would dance with a girl tonight, and that he has friends who think he is beautiful inside and out. All the fears I had for him when he was a baby came rushing back and then melted away. It made me realize that so many of my dreams for him will come true... maybe not exactly as I had imagned, but they will come true... nothing is impossible. This kid continues to teach me and humble me.

"Life is not measured by number the breaths you take, it's measured by the number of moments that take your breath away"

Happy Birthday David!


You’re my piece of mind, in this crazy world
You’re every thing I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You’re my Mona Lisa
You’re my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

The world will turn
And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn
Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our fell of tears
Our share of sight
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes

And there are lines upon my face
From a life time of smiles
When the time comes to embrace
For one long last wine
We can laugh about how time really flies
We won’t say goodbye
‘Cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And The passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes

The passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes...


AGD said...

WOW Vicki! Thanks for starting my day with a flood of tears girl! Ha ha! No really...your post really hit home for me. I too have had those same questions and thoughts for Kenidi. You are so right when you made the statement that some days the grieving of their special needs just hits you and takes your breath away. One minute you are trucking along thru life accepting their condition just fine and then the next minute BAM! Reality hits! You start asking yourself, "What will the future hold? Will it ever be any easier for them? Will they have normalcy in the end? Will they marry and have children? etc." Although Kenidi doesn't have the PWS, she has her own conditions that cause me to relate to you so very well. I thank God for placing you in my life a couple of years back when we learned of her diagnosis. You were there to help talk me through it all-via email of course. :) I thank you for your friendship, for your transparency in regard to parenting a special needs child, and for your words that confirm that there is hope for our babies. There is "life" for them-no matter what card God has dealt them healthwise. You are a phenomenal Mother with an incredible family. Pat yourself on the back today. You should be so proud of them AND YOU girlfriend!

Love ya,
Angie Seaman