Thursday, January 24, 2008

Early Morning Conversations with Ben...

So this morning I am sitting in the Suburban at the end of the driveway waiting for the bus to come for Ben and Caroline when Ben looks at me out of the blue and wants to know whose tummy he grew in! Ok.. it's 8:15 in the morning...where the heck did this come from???
We have always been very open with Ben and Caroline about their birthfamilies... we have close relationships with both families, but they both have a very grounded sense that I am Mom and Dave is Dad and that we are their family and because of their young ages and their limited ability to understand the comlexities of adoption, we have never gone into more depth.

So what I told Ben is that he grew in Renee's tummy and her and Mike took care of him until we could come get him. That sometimes that is how families are made, babies sometimes have 2 families, a family who took care of them before they were born who love them very much and a family who is their mom, dad and brothers & sisters. So he looked at me and said.. "oh, ok mom, I grew in Renee's tummy in Seattle and you came to get me in an airplane" ... very deep for an 8 year old!! ( He also wanted to know how babies get out of tummys, but I told him we would talk about that later)

Just when I think I am out of the woods with this conversation "Little Miss" in the back seat pipes up and says " well, whose tummy did I grow in???"... Ok understand... the bus is about to pull up to take them to school.. this isn't exactly the time or place for this conversation, but we have always been open and honest so I took a deep breath and I explained to her how she grew in Analiese's tummy and that they took care of her until Mommy and Daddy could be with her. She seemed quite satisfied with that explaination.
A minute or 2 later the Bus pulled up and the 2 of them piled out of the Suburban, kissed and hugged me and said " Bye Mom!" I watched them get on the bus just amazed by both of them and feeling like the luckiest mom in the whole world to be a part of their lives.

When I got back to the house and made a phone call to their Special Ed. teacher to give her the heads up just in case they came into school talking about our conversation.
All I can say is WOW! I am so amazed by this conversation this morning and that I was able to be honest and find the right words to explain things to them.

I will end with a poem that I just love and it really explains it all:

Once there were two expectant mothers.
One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart
She became your Birthmother.
The other carried the hope of you within her.
She became your Mom.
As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,
Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after
your birth.
Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:
your questions answered,
your boo boos bandaged,
your heartaches soothed,
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:
answers to your questions,
your image in the mirror,
a part of yourself,
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.

1999 Brenda Romanchik - R-Squared Press